Sara & Ben's Story
Sara and Ben* were in their early forties and married for 12 years when they started working with me in Creating Joy for Couples. They had 2 children and 2 busy careers, and life and unresolved issues were taking a toll on their marriage.
Sara especially felt stressed by the multiple demands she felt she had to meet, and that Ben did not really understand the long hours required by her career as a real estate agent, while being the primary parent responsible for their children’s school and other activities. Ben was an assistant college basketball coach, and wanted Sara to attend more of his team’s games. They were both struggling with feeling unheard and unappreciated, and that their lives had reduced to revolving around their careers and their kids – with little time for each other.
In the middle of the basketball season, Ben’s mother took a turn for the worse, and they decided to move her in with them. Sara cared about her, and wanted to help, but felt that Ben should do more too.
When they started working with me, they had reached an impasse, and the stress, conflict and tension was affecting their children, who were starting to show their distress at school.
As we worked together, Sara and Ben learned how to share their feelings, concerns and needs in a way that helped the other person really hear them, and learned how to hear their spouse’s needs on a deeper level. They learned how to regain their personal balance in the busy-ness and stresses of their lives, and both gained more empathy for the challenges of their partner. We released their pent up feelings of anger, hurt, resentment and not feeling valued. Most importantly, we found and resolved the underlying hidden reasons for the increased tension and distance in their marriage.
With my help, they learned easy-to-use self-care and relationship-care skills and practices to help them keep themselves in their emotionally easy place, so strong negative emotions do not again diminish the love and happiness in their marriage.
When Sara and Ben completed their Creating Joy for Couples program, they felt so much happier and closer than when they started. They regained the love and closeness they had at the beginning of their marriage ~ now deepened and strengthened, through successfully working through and resolving their challenging experiences.
Joan & Bob's Story
Joan and Bob* came to see me on the verge of separation.
They had been married for 23 years, raised four children together, and built a successful business. They had many years of conflictual communication, unhealed hurts and misunderstandings that had created a large wedge of anger and resentment between them.
Joan thought that Bob worked too much, and wanted more time for “pre-retirement” travel. Bob saw six more years of looming college and other expenses and thought he couldn’t let up.
Bob felt misunderstood and unappreciated, and started spending even more time at the office. Joan felt alone and taken advantage of, and started drinking too much wine with dinner to help herself relax. One thing led to another; Bob began flirting with the idea of an extra-marital relationship, while Joan began going to bed alone and under the influence.
Meanwhile the mutual hurt, anger, misunderstanding and resentment escalated until Bob began spending nights at a local hotel. They contacted me the day after Bob had spent three nights in one week away from home.
I helped them release all the stress and built up hurt, anger and misunderstandings between them. They learned to express their feelings, needs and points of view in a way that brought understanding and reconciliation to their marriage.
With my help and guidance they were able to find solutions that worked for both of them, to Bob’s concerns about money and Joan’s desire for time together.
What’s more the couple learned how they had gotten into the situation they were in, healed the invisible roots of their marriage problems.
It wasn’t always easy; a lot had to be worked through, released and healed. As they worked together with my help to heal and restore their marriage, the love that had worn thin between them, came to full bloom once again, and was doubly sweet because of the struggle they had experienced.
Joan and Bob celebrated their 24th anniversary toward the end of their personalized Creating Joy for Couples program, by going on a Mediterranean cruise ~ the first vacation they had taken together for over six years. They both came back glowing like newlyweds.
Together, their dream of a happy, emotionally-fulfilling marriage was reborn.
Paige & Tomas' Story
When Paige started working with me she had been divorced for some time. She was in her late thirties, and deeply wanted to be married again. Her problem was she kept attracting and being attracted to all the wrong men. Over the years, despite her desire to the contrary, she had repeatedly dated ladies' men, men who loved drinking too much, and men who were really looking for a woman to take care of them.
Paige was fed up with the Relationship Roller Coaster, and wanted to find and love a good man who was ready and prepared to invest in a healthy, loving committed adult partnership and marriage.
She had tried on her own for a while, and came to the realization after her last break-up that maybe there was more to achieving her heart's desire of a new happy and lasting marriage, than dating sites, social media and the singles scene in her home town.
Paige began her Happily Ever After program, with excitement and honestly, some fear. What if she never could figure out how to be married again, and this too didn't work?
Through the course of her program, we found and healed the hidden reasons that were behind her pattern of being attracted to and attracting men that weren't good for her, and by whom she felt taken advantage of. As she moved forward through her program, she felt exhilarated and excited, as she became free of the burdens from her past relationship problems, and learned how to BE centered and confident again as a woman.
Paige became a MAGNET for a fundamentally new kind of man and in so doing, a fundamentally new kind of love relationship. After enjoying dating several new men for a few months, toward the completion of her program, she met Tomas. He is the PERFECT MATCH for Paige. He too, wanted a loving, healthy equal partnership with a woman who was ready to invest and commit to a new marriage.
A year after she began her Happily Ever After program, Paige and Tomas were married in a garden wedding ceremony, with their children, family and friends there to support and celebrate with them.
Last we spoke, Paige is radiantly happy. Though their new step-family takes work with all the comings and goings of children and occasional challenges, Paige found the love of her life ~ the love of her adult life ~ and told me that before she began her Happily Ever After program, she couldn't have imagined how happy she could be, now.
Gina* called on the verge of tears. "I broke up with my fiance. Can I scheduled an appointment with you right away?" I could hear the emotion in her voice. Gina was in her early 40’s when she began working with me in Happily Ever After. She had been married before, and had 3 other significant relationships since her divorce, including with the fiancé who had just broken their engagement.
Her desire for a loving, happy, lasting and emotionally-close marriage was potent. She ached for the fulfillment of her heart’s strong desire, and she kept trying, from one relationship to the next, but just could not seem to get there. There was always something that got in the way. Either she was attracted to a man who was not emotionally ready and interested in marriage, or travel distance between them made it difficult for their relationship to progress (and neither was willing to “sacrifice” their established life and career for the relationship), or the heart connection she wanted to deeply share their life journeys together just wasn’t there.
It puzzled Gina, because she was attracted to several men, and men were attracted to her, so obviously she “could attract them, right?” It’s just that none of the men she attracted was the right one for her.
After several attempts at a lasting relationship that would lead to marriage, Gina felt discouraged. She still missed her former fiancé, even though she knew the relationship was over, and didn’t know how to move beyond the loss. That was when she called me.
We worked together to help her heal emotionally from her last break-up, and the ones before that, that were also unfinished. Like layers of sand underneath her feet, they kept her from regaining a solid, secure foundation for moving forward with her life, so she kept attracting men and situations in their relationships that brought her back to what was still unfinished in her previous relationships and marriage. With each new discovery of connection there was a link to finding the invisible roots of what was keeping Gina in her patterns of relationship struggle – her Relationship Roller Coaster.
She was consistent and committed. As she moved forward in her program, we worked together to help Gina finish her break-ups for good, and heal the hidden reasons for her relationship struggle cycle. She regained her confidence and joie de vivre. She began attracting and being attracted to different kinds of men.
Within 6 months of completing her Happily Ever After program, Gina serendipitously met a wonderful man in her home community, with whom she has the heart connection she desires. They have a shared spiritual connection and deep commitment to take their journey together. Twelve months after they met, they were married in a joyful ceremony, with their children by their sides.
Gina wrote her new real-world Cinderella story, and she now has the happy, loving, emotionally-close marriage she hungered for those years ago.
Yvonne's Story, Part II
A mother with 4 children, Yvonne was nearing the end of her divorce when she contacted me. She and her husband had been married for 11 years before separating and the divorce was hard and “messy.”
She wanted it; he didn’t, and he was fighting it with every resource he could muster, including financial, emotional and recruiting family and friends to his “side”.
As is common for women who are the ones to choose the divorce, Yvonne was well along the path of her emotional healing, since she had begun the emotional divorce process prior to their separation. She wanted to be sure she didn’t leave anything out, and she wanted help in creating the best possible outcome for her children; she was concerned they were being pulled into the quagmire by their father.
It was a hard situation; there was a lot of social disapproval, stigma and lack of emotional support for women choosing divorce in her conservative community. Essentially no one outside of her closest family and friends were willing to suspend judgment of her and provide emotional support. Yvonne needed courage and to really believe in herself and her deservingness to have a marriage free of emotional, verbal and spiritual abuse.
Having been involved in personal growth work before, Yvonne understood that her divorce experience could be a turning point to a transformed life, and she was committed to her vision for her life going forward.
In addition to guiding and empowering Yvonne to heal and transcend the strong emotions, particularly anger and outrage, that were understandable in her situation, and finish her emotional healing, we also worked to heal and release the hidden reasons for her relationship problems. In particular, Yvonne was motivated and committed to find and heal what was hidden within her that made her attract and be attracted to a man who was abusive. She worked at this with dedication and we made sure that we found and finished it all, along with the other hidden reasons underlying her Relationship Roller Coaster.
It took time and life kept moving forward. During Yvonne’s healing process she began a life-transforming career change, helping others change the world through her unique gifts.
Fundamental to everything, Yvonne was dedicated and committed to her own growth. She kept moving forward with her journey of transformation, including in dating relationships. In each, she learned the lessons that were there for her, and did the Soul Work they called forth.
Today, Yvonne is happily married to her soul partner Mark, whom she met through continuing her path of growth. They have a partnership that Yvonne doesn’t believe would have been possible, had she not been both committed to her vision for her life going forward from her divorce and to doing her Soul Work to get there.
Yvonne now has the marriage and family life she envisioned years ago. She is as radiant as the day they married.
*Names and have been changed to protect the privacy of clients. All images are representative only.